Effective Communication Techniques: How to Connect with Loved Ones with Dementia
People sometimes tell me that it is extremely difficult to communicate with someone who is affected by dementia. You can find tips and hints on how to do this on websites. It includes speaking slowly and waiting for an answer, relying on non-verbal communication more than verbal communication, making sure that the light is good in the room, so the person can see your face when you’re talking to them, also excluding external distracting noises like background music.
If there is an important message or question then addressing it in the early part of the day when the person is more alert, and making sure that they are well hydrated and have had something to eat so that their blood sugar is not too low – all of this will improve the chance of the person with dementia understanding what it is you have to say.
But communication is not only about getting a message over. It is also about discovering what the person with dementia is trying to tell you. We know that the issue of pain is often missed when people with dementia have an underlying painful condition. That is why specialised pain scales like the Abbey Scale have been developed in order to help carers and nurses work out whether or not a person with dementia who cannot speak is experiencing pain. The complex and difficult to manage behaviours such as agitation, pacing, shouting out, and aggressive behaviour should all be regarded as the person with dementia trying to tell you something.
Working out what the person with dementia is trying to communicate is a delicate task. It’s helps if you already know the person very well and you know the kind of thing that is likely to be worrying them. Then you can go through a checklist of the most likely issues. Is it pain? Is the person hungry? Do they need to go to the bathroom or are they thirsty? Is there something in the environment such as a strange noise that is bothering them what is the temperature in the space too hot or too cold. It’s detective work.
Communication techniques
“Communication is not only about getting a message over. It is also about discovering what the person with dementia is trying to tell you.”
I had a friend with dementia who used to send me long recorded messages. At times the messages didn’t seem to make sense, but I felt obliged to listen to them. I was so busy one day when I was listening, I put it on at double speed so that I could say I had listened to it but not use up too much time. Incredibly when I doubled the speed of the message, I could make much more sense of it. I realise that the problem was not his concentration but mine. I needed to slow down my brain and focus on what he was saying, which I could do when face to face with him. Or if he sent me a recorded message, I could listen to it speeded up and his message would be clear. I tell this story to illustrate that you may stumble upon a communication technique that works with one person that might not work with others.
Once when was nursing a patient very close to the end of life who had not spoken for days, I was sitting quietly giving him tiny sips of broth, and I looked out of his window at the spring bulbs that were coming up in the grounds of the care home. Something about the view made me sigh, and his voice came out very clear asking me, “Is that how you feel, dearie?” If ever you need a reminder about communication, this is it. A person with dementia who is not speaking is still listening, and you can communicate with them inadvertently. Be careful and never behave as if they have already left the room, because they are still there right to the end.
