Balancing Dementia Caregiving with Work: Tips for Working Mothers.
Many women at work don’t have the luxury of just being working women. They work hard all day and then they have to go home and frantically do housework, as if it was a hobby. The term “sandwich generation” has been used to describe those women who have an additional set of activities that they have to attend to before or after work.
These are working mothers, who have major responsibilities for children when they finish doing their paid job. But in addition to that they are also providing care for their parents or parents in law, often without very much support from anybody else. Even when their children are grown, the job is not finished yet because they end up taking on responsibility for grandchildren as well.
“Women already fall behind in earnings in the workplace and the failure to achieve promotion or even to work full time is likely to have a long-standing effect on her income including her pension, decades after the people that she was caring for are either dead or looking after themselves.”
The business of caring for both an older and younger generation than yourself is likely to cause significant financial and health burden for the sandwich carer. Research undertaken by carer organisations indicates that the majority of those carers are women, and they often take time off work to fulfil their responsibilities. Because of presentee-ism in the workplace this means that they may miss out on advancement opportunities and are seen as less committed to the job. Women already fall behind in earnings in the workplace and the failure to achieve promotion or even to work full time is likely to have a long-standing effect on her income including her pension, decades after the people that she was caring for are either dead or looking after themselves.
I’m not qualified, except from the experience of being a mother, to advise others on what to do about the junior end of the sandwich responsibilities. Being organised, teaching young people to do chores, and be organised themselves, making sure other adults in the household take a fair share of the domestic work including planning – all this is basic stuff. My specialist subject is balancing work and having an older person with dementia to care for. This is both from being a family carer, and from long professional experience of working with families.
Here are my five top tips
Plan ahead. You need to get your parents sorted with powers of attorney and advanced statements of their wishes well in advance. Start the conversation with your own children now. It might seem hard to have those conversations now, but it’s not as hard as it is going to be if you leave it. Your burden will be heavier if you’ve not been given the authority to make decisions.
Think about finance. The cost of a disease like cancer is mainly picked up by the NHS in the UK, but the cost of dementia mainly falls to the person. If you have not thought about how to pay for your own care in future, you are missing a large building block for that time. You might not need it, but if you do, and you are not prepared, you’ll be in trouble. If you plan to have a working career, you need to know how any family care is going to be paid for, because it’s hard to get ahead in the workplace while spending time on someone else’s personal care. And don’t let the older generation commit you to unfeasibly expensive options. (Did you promise your mum she would never go into a home? Work out how affordable that is going to be without you giving up your job.)
Get information about services and benefits. A massive amount of state benefits don’t even get picked up by the people who would be entitled to them. It’s in your interest to find out what you are entitled to and get it. A care organisation like AgeUK, or Carers UK can help you find out.
Check your employment package. An increasing number of employers are including carers’ support as part of their remuneration benefits. This can include carers’ leave, paid or unpaid. It might be time off to take the person to appointments, and sometimes there is a workplace carers’ support group.
Find your local carers’ organisation. These charities and volunteers are there to help you. They have loads of information about local sources of support and can steer you through the benefits minefield. And you will meet other working women going through the same maze, who might have found some good shortcuts.
All this information and more is laid out in my book Carers and Caring for Older Relatives and Friends and there is lots more information here on my website. As a working woman you need and deserve support for what you are doing. Think ahead about your own health, both physical and financial. Your future depends on it.
