Spirituality

In the run up to publication of my new book Carers and Caring; the One Stop Guide; how to care for older relatives and friends I am sharing an A to Z of some of the practical solutions learned from research and experience. If you think any problems have been missed you can email me and tell me, and I’ll make sure they are covered in the next edition and online on my website at www.juneandrews.net.  Today is S for Spirituality. It doesn’t sound practical, but it can make a difference to practical every day life.

The importance of continuing to practice your religion

Religious observance is of crucial importance to many people but may become harder to continue in the circumstances that come with old age and being cared for. Having a religious belief is associated with lower stress levels. Engaging in familiar and safe practices like singing and attending worship can give comfort. How frailty is ‘framed’ or perceived in the mind of any human is shaped by their attitude to life, their personality, their belief in a soul, and so knowing how someone thinks about this is important for reducing stress.

Some people might perceive dementia and other problems that are more common in old age as a punishment from a deity for previous sins or wickedness, or they may see it as something to be accepted and borne on a journey to paradise. How people think of death and dying and how we respond to their spiritual needs makes a difference, even if that faith is different from our own. You might have to be like the Jewish lady singing “Jesus Loves Me” to comfort a lady with dementia (watch to the end when the lady joins in) or you could, in spite of being an atheist, find yourself reassuring someone that their God will not forget them. With dementia and caring for older people you have to do what works, even if you don’t know why.

Words of a teacher

Malcolm Goldsmith, a priest with an interest in dementia, wrote In a Strange Land, still the finest book on dementia and religious faith. He examines questions from a Christian perspective. People ask, ‘Why me? Is this God’s punishment?’ They wrestle with ethical issues about the belief systems of those giving care. ‘As a nurse can I pray with my patient?’ Malcolm offers practical and supportive answers. Here I first read about the American nun Sister Laura. She feared she would forget Jesus because of dementia, and she said to the founding investigator of the Nun Study, David Snowdon, ‘I finally realised that I may not remember Him, but He will remember me.’

All religions respect older people.

The Qur’an recognises the effect of dementia in older people. It speaks of how some are ‘sent back to a feeble age, so that they know nothing after having known much’, and tells us that we must be kind to parents, and ‘say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour . . . even as they cherished me in childhood.’ Caring for ageing parents is incumbent on Muslims. The role of religion and people of faith in dementia care, and in supporting frail people to be well and contented, is very important.

Even people who have not been religious turn to faith during illness and at the end of life. They may start to think about the meaning of life, and struggle with coming to terms with ageing and change, with or without a concept of what God is to them. Health and social care worker training includes awareness of the spiritual needs of older people, but for you as a carer the need for awareness is different. 

You can ask for help from your local faith leader or faith community.

Many of the caring organisations that now identify as secular have their origins in faith communities. Although prayer and religious observance can take place anywhere, going to a church or other sacred space can be a peaceful and powerful experience. You can ask them to help you get the person to church if that is a practical problem. Religious observances provide an outlet for people who are lonely or worried. Live streaming of services offers a sense of community.

Being able to express comfort in spiritual terms is important for the sake of the person you care for, no matter what you yourself believe. It is ideal if you can also get comfort from shared beliefs. When an older person moves to a care setting such as a nursing home, ask the home and the church or faith group if they can support attendance at services or bring services into the care home. Volunteers from the faith group may offer companionship. 

Five of our Filipina and Polish care assistants are very active in St Leonard’s, the local Roman Catholic Church, and they work with their priest and the nuns to make sure that our older residents are included in worship any time they want.

- Care home matron

There is much more about spirituality in  Carers and Caring: The One-Stop Guide: How to care for older relatives and friends - with tips for managing finances and accessing the right support  available from all good bookshops in May 2022

Three hints:

1.     Spirituality gets more important in times of trouble

2.     Faith communities can and will help

3.     Whether in a care setting or at home, faith community support is important