Christmas, Covid and visiting people with dementia

• Trying to make Christmas happen at a time of Covid-19 could be foolish

• This year we should go back to the original meaning of Christmas, prayer and individual reflection

• The Christmas Day traditions may be seen to some as a slog

• Extend the magic of Christmas this year to enable safe socialisation

I am shocked by the nonsense of governments twisting and turning to “make Christmas happen” in the absence of adequate testing and tracing for the most dangerous pandemic to hit this country in our lifetime.  Let’s get real. 

Deciding what is important at Christmas

This year more than ever, we need to get back to basics at Christmas.  Christmas Day must stop being about socialising, but about God. Pray and read your Bible on the appointed day.  But detach that from the social assault course that has been spliced onto Christmas Day by secular forces.  It would be more respectful to start again and take the winter festival out of the church calendar.  We must spread the carnival out to make life easier for everyone.  Especially those now who are agonising about the “tragedy” of “Christmas Day alone” for people with dementia in care homes or at home.  In the middle of a public health emergency, it is an expensive and dangerous self-indulgence to imagine that it is heart-breaking to be prevented from gathering in groups and spread germs on one (previously selected almost at random) date in the calendar.

This is not an argument against celebrating a winter festival, but in these dangerous times, we need to celebrate if at all in smaller groups at staggered times, according to when it is safe to go out and about in churches and restaurants or in each other’s homes.  You might be surprised how many of us already do Christmas like that and have done so for years.

“Doing” Christmas how it should be done

Many people have seldom “done” Christmas like the majority.  Like me, they may have worked 12 hour shifts on Christmas days in a hospital.  We find it funny when people complain about the decorations being in the shops in September. For us, that’s in the nick of time.  Because we’ll be doing turkey with all the trimmings in early November.  We will sing carols and pull crackers with hopeless jokes.   

Cardboard cutout of the Queen

I remember one year when my friend made a cut out TV from a cardboard box, put it over his head and did us the Queen’s Christmas Message, complete with a string of pearls, round about Guy Fawkes day.  We toasted him/her with mulled wine, as we finished off the flaming Christmas pudding and then watched It’s a Wonderful Life dozing in front of a glistening Christmas tree. Four weeks before Advent.  

By the time December 25th eventually comes we have all that jingle bells and sleigh stuff out of our system for another year and can get on with the important work of stopping people from dying at the wrong time.  Not Scrooges.  Just flexible calendar people, in the interest of other citizens. For key workers, other people’s safety comes before obsession about “being together” on the 25th.

Christmas morning and so called ancient traditions

My mum used to tell me that when she first got married, shops were open on Christmas day morning.  When you look into the history of Christmas trees and turkey and all that jazz it turns out that these “traditions” are much more modern than you think.  Invented by Victorians.  In some cases, invented in the lifetime of those who now live in a care home. They haven’t actually stood the test of time yet.  And yet these habits, described as traditions, are treated as if they are from time immemorial and so sacred that failure to observe them is a tragic loss for all concerned. Even the charities use the secular emotional tug, and by doing that they shore up the notion of a special day, that trumps all other days. Advertising asks us to think about the homeless “at Christmas” when in reality February is colder and harder to live through. Don’t be led by the hype.  

Dreading December 25

For some December 25th is like a millstone round your neck.  Which set of in-laws will we duty visit this year and offend the others?  How will I manage to send cards, organise gifts and entertaining and clean the house? Who can help me cope with all this alcohol?  When will I get time to join the queues and shop for things we probably won’t need and food that will get thrown away?  What will be waiting for me at work when I get back?  And the day comes and goes in a flash, and a haze of dietary indiscretions.  And how am I going to get rid of the debts that I’ve mounted up for this car crash?

Extend the magic of Christmas

Don’t get me wrong. I love the magic of Christmas.  I just don’t understand why it has to be focused on one day in the calendar.  If it is a time for family, let each family choose which time it is and what weekend this winter.  Then no one will miss out because they had chosen to be in one place or another, at work or at home – all on one single day, December 25th.  There is even more fun because you can do it at yours one weekend and mine the next.  It is more relaxed, and more affordable.  And this year, especially, it would be safer.  The virus doesn’t respect Christmas and it likes it when we relax our guard.  Gathering together on December 25th will certainly encourage it and might even open the floodgates for it.

Floodgates are there for a reason, and if we open them for sentimental reasons at Christmas, more vulnerable people will be washed away. Tell the government to have the courage to stop this plan.

 If you would like more information, you can buy my book Dementia, the One Stop Guide or Care Homes: When, Why and How to Choose a Care Home. I am available for consultancy for families or organisations. And if you have any further queries or questions, or suggestions for something you’d like to see me write on, please contact me via the Contact Page

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