Someone I know might have dementia. What should I do?
What should you do if you suspect somebody you know has dementia?
Power of attorney should be sought before it is needed
Change can confuse a person with dementia, so should be avoided if possible
How you can have the conversation about dementia
If you think someone you know has dementia, how you approach it with them is highly personal and depends how close you are. If they are in denial and don’t want to seek help it might be difficult to raise the issue. If not, you may discover that they are worried already and really want to talk to you about it. You can then support them in going to see the GP and doing the other things that are necessary at this time.
Power of Attorney
If it was considered earlier in life and someone has a registered power of attorney for them, the attorney can take things forward. The power of attorney is not activated until the dementia is serious enough to prevent the person making decisions. However, the person who has been nominated has a special position even before then. They were trusted enough with the ultimate responsibility so they may be in a better position to raise the question in the early stages. They almost certainly will have had some conversation in the past, however brief, about this possibility with each other.
Read more in my article about Powers of Attorney here and find out about the new Powers of Attorney: the One-Stop Guide by Sandra McDonald
Keeping the status quo
How to manage any discussion depends on how you have come to worry about the person. For example, if an older man who used to live at your house turns up outside looking puzzled and lost, and you have to redirect him back to his own house, you could tell his family what has happened. If someone at your golf club is showing signs of change such as not being able to keep the score, turning up at the wrong time, losing their balance, not recognising golfing pals, you need to tell their spouse that there is a problem, and you can help them to support your friend through the steps of seeing a GP and making changes at home. The most important thing of all is that you keep supporting them to play golf. They still are the same person, and they need friends, and exercise, more than ever before, and their spouse needs the respite of someone else entertaining them for a few hours with a proper understanding that they may need a bit more support over time.
The same is true if the scenario is someone at work. Even with dementia a person of working age is able to contribute and is entitled to support to do so. Make sure your human resources department knows about your concerns before it becomes a disciplinary issue, and they risk being dismissed from the job because of this illness which might seem to make them poor at timekeeping or less organised than before.
How to have the conversation about dementia
There are some ideas here about how to have the conversation if it is difficult. The more we all speak about it, the more awareness will be raised, and the easier it will become to steer people towards the help they need. If they are avoiding diagnosis because they fear loss of power, independence, even their driving license, it is possible to provide reassurance. People with dementia can be helped to remain independent and to live as well as possible for as long as possible, but diagnosis is the first step.
Look at chapter 5 in Dementia the One Stop Guide for ideas about how to be a friend for a person with dementia.
If you would like more information, you can buy my book Dementia, the One Stop Guide or Care Homes: When, Why and How to Choose a Care Home. I am available for consultancy for families or organisations. And if you have any further queries or questions, or suggestions for something you’d like to see me write on, please contact me via the Contact Page
See my new course on Dementia the One Stop Guide on Policy Hub here
